Ross and John listeners have written dozens of coronavirus limericks
We admit, we didn’t expect this would be so popular.
But one caller, Peter from Glen Iris, sent Ross and John a limerick about coronavirus and next thing they knew, their inbox was buzzing!
So here they are. Dozens of coronavirus limericks.
Whatever keeps you oddballs entertained in isolation!
(PS: We love it).
Peter from Glen Iris (the original)
We’re sitting at home in Glen Iris
In the hope of avoiding the virus.
The one shaft of light
In this season of blight:
We’re retirees, so no-one can fire us.
Denis from Macleod
I’m growing progressively fat,
In contact with nought but my cat.
If only that diner
In the back blocks of China
Ate chicken rather than bat.
Ken from Mt Martha
We’re living down here in Mount Martha
Not sure if we’re Martha or Arthur
So we walked on the beach
But we’re way out of reach
Just the two of us sharing the laughter!
Sandra from Brighton
Can you imagine at the end of Corona?
When we all emerge from our coma
Oh what a fright
When we all unite
And everyone’s hairy, fat and finally sober?
Sally from Apollo Bay
There once was a planet called Earth
That was always full of mirth
Then a nasty virus came
Will we ever be the same
Watch out in 9 months for all of the births!
Judith from Croydon
We are in the clasps of Corona,
And Scomo says if I’m 70 it’s over,
Well I’ve got news for you all,
I’m not going to the wall,
I have no plans to be pushing up clover.
Ray from Richmond
An archaeologist from Glen Iris
Went to Cairo to study papyrus
He felt a bit crook
The doc took a look
And said “Mate, you’ve got Coronavirus”
A young footballer named McLean
Was super fit and very lean
He felt a bit crook
The doc took a look
And said “Mate, you’ve got COVID-19”
Marty from Laverton
Now Willy he penned of Verona
And Leo brushed ladies named Mona
But nought can inspire us
Like the unity virus
The world all is one in Corona
From Matthew
Here am I sitting at home.
All contact limited to phone.
Not missing the Stations.
Or meeting rotations.
I’ve really got no reason to moan?
Jean from Bullen
Location location location
3 land rats went into isolation
1 got quashed
The other got sloshed
The third cried over house depreciation
Andy from Aspendale
We once had steak six days a week
Then the virus of which we won’t speak
Made an appearance
Now through sheer perseverance
Were surviving on bubble and squeak
From Michael
My licorice intake has ceased
The lack of crap paper not least
Thanks to the hoarders
You filthy marauders
The after effects are a beast
From Phil
Now our man Dan we say cheers
As he tells of Corona and fears
Stay at home is the rule
And don’t be a fool
Make sure you stay off the beers!
From Phil
So ScoMo we do say thanks,
For putting some pressure on the banks.
And Implementing social distance
Giving small business assistance
So they don’t have to walk the planks.
Steve from Bacchus Marsh
Out west in country Bacchus Marsh
Where there’s trees, birds and green grass
So pretty and green
Except COVID-19
Now everyone’s wearing a mask
From Michael of Reservoir
The doc said to the Ruck from the Blues,
Your foot bone has broke, it’s bad news,
Play you will not,
Your season is shot,
But now he’ll be right for round two.
Paul in Narre Warren
Staying at home in Prahran
Our food was delivered in a van
Expanding our bellies
While watching the telly
With Foxtel, Netflix and Stan
Pett from Doncaster
Along came COVID-19,
And made us exceedingly clean,
Hunting toilet roll,
Became our main goal,
And not blocking the bloody latrine!
Tony from Vermont
To the health workers with energy tireless
Your efforts continue to inspire us
Thanks to people like you
We’ll get out of this poo
And say goodbye to this bloody virus
From Mark
There was a young man from Altona
Who thought that he had the Corona
He had his wife tested
She was totally infested
She left him so now he’s a loner
From Burnso
I’m at home here wearing a mask,
I don’t think it’s too much of a task.
Although I’m locked down,
I’m not wearing a frown –
I’m drinking my Debortoli from a cask
Judith
There was a young man from Verona,
who sadly contracted Corona.
His cough was contagious,
His fever outrageous.
All of his friends were ‘agona’
From Paul
COVID-19 is here,
It’ll be gone by the end of the year,
The year will be rough,
But we’ll show it we’re tough,
As we beat it without any fear.
Johanna
I’m living here in Boronia
Getting progressively lonelier and lonelier,
There’s not even a mouse
With me in the house
Oh Lord, don’t give me coronia!
From Ian
I’ve always been a bit of a loner
So the social distancing needs of corona
For me is no ask
a P one five ess easy task
it took 70 years to perfect this persona
Peter from Thomastown
I once dreamed to be a homeowner
Then along came this deadly corona
Now I’ve lost my good job
I’m just left with two Bob
and Sco Mo has made me a moaner.
Kiara from Pascovale
My Mum says I can’t go to school
Now I’ll have to follow her rules
To study a lot
So my brain doesn’t rot
And I become one giant fool
From Michele
While all around me is shuttin’
Have you seen him? He’s all lamb, no mutton
Prematurely grey locks
He’s a real silver fox
I speak of Professor Brett Sutton
Tony from Rowville
A working girl known as Ramona
Encountered the virus Corona
So sadly there could be
No more Hochmagandy
But for 5 bucks per minute you can phone her
Phil from Chelsea
This virus whose name is Corona,
Could never be known as a loner,
It’s desperate to share, as it flies through the air,
With Its super contagious persona.
Dave from Patterson Lakes
A limerick to read on the wireless
Shops are shutting down due to a virus
If the hairdressers shut
We’ll be all in a rut
Looking like Billy Ray Cyrus!
Helen from Maribyrnong
There was this thing called ‘The Virus’
It was trying very hard to divide us
United we stand with Loo Paper, Sanitizer and Booze in Hand
Nick of Corona – You’re not welcome in our Great Southern Land
Michele
While all around me is shuttin’
Have you seen him? He’s all lamb, no mutton
Prematurely grey locks
He’s a real silver fox
I speak of Professor Brett Sutton
Alan from Essendon
There once was a bat in China
He got served up in a diner
If only he flew away
Life would be normal today
and any flu would just be minor
Annie from Patterson Lakes
We stay indoors by day & night
Barely go outside to catch the light
This virus thing has given me the shakes
Working from home at Patterson Lakes
Libby from Irymple
We’re all running scared of the ‘rona’
It’s lucky we’ve all got a phona
We can google and tweet
While we put up our feet
And make the most of this time at homa!
From Mark
There was a young man from Altona
Who thought that he had the Corona
He had his wife tested
She was totally infested
She left him so now he’s a loner
From Peter
The office is closed my car is parked
Bum on the couch, my cards are marked
Self-iso-lation
With Netflix salvation
Only one problem I’m totally Ozarked
Simon from Mt Beauty
This deadly new Corona virus,
Who’s spread is becoming quite tireless,
By isolating for weeks,
And not kissing cheeks,
Will stop it being like Miley Cyrus. (Wrecking ball)
The deadly new virus corona,
Needs you to stay a loner,
Stop kissing cheeks
And isolate for weeks
So it doesn’t spread like cars at Daytona.
Kaz from Pentland Hills
Sitting on the deck in Pentland Hills
In a world with a virus without any pill
Sipping fine wine
While the weather is fine
We thank the government for paying our bills
Andy from Moorabbin
I’m sending this limerick to you
Because there’s some kind of flu
It starts with a cough
That finishes you off
I hope it doesn’t happen to you
From Bill
There once was a man from Wuhan
Who fried up a bat in a pan
He said I’m sorry for the trouble
You all now live in a bubble
cause that wasn’t part of my plan
From Michael
My mum and dad are in their eighties
The old man was after some meat and taties
Being cooped had made the octogenarian frisky
But Mum said “no way it’s too fricken risky”