Pub Of The Week: Tony Leonard reviews the Keysborough Hotel

Keysborough Hotel

Corner of Corrigan and Cheltenham roads, Keysborough.
9798 2055

When? March 31, 2023.
www.keysboroughhotel.com.au

VENUE

The Keysborough Hotel is a fairly typical, big outer (ish) suburban pub that does most things that you would expect from a venue of this size.

Describing itself as “ a local pillar in Melbourne’s S-E”, it runs to a formula that has been established 30-40 years ago; big sports bar, big garden/beer garden, large bistro, large room for the pokies.  There is a large Kids playground as part of the bistro for parents to dine while their children muck around on the oversized plastic slides and tunnels.

The look is replicated in pubs we have been to before.  It’s sort of that AV Jennings look of the 60s brick veneer, just on a much, much  larger scale.

Punters Club, Drink Specials, Joker Poker, UFC are some of the familiar suite of “Whats On this week” so at any one time, fitting 500-600 would not be an issue .

The staff here (or at least the day of the visit) was a mature crew and they were fabulous so everything was expected so far.

It’s steady as she goes at the Keysborough, but they certainly missed on one or two things along the way.

Please read on.

FOOD/DRINK

For a large pub, the Keysborough has a fairly compact menu, all priced about the mark.

Entrees, while having the usual suspects of breads, fries etc., offers Jerk Spiced Buffalo Wings  w/buffalo sauce, blue cheese ranch dip  (6/$12, Doz $19),  Pumpkin/Feta Arancini, relish, mayo $14, with mains covering familiar bases such as  BBQ Pork Ribs, coleslaw,  chips ($29/39) or Nasi Goreng, $25, crispy pork belly, prawns, fried egg, satay chilli sauce, spring onion, fried shallots, prawn crackers.

There is a selection of Burgers, starting  at $20, and a fully plated Rump Steak, 250g, is $30. The showstopper is KEYSIE MEGA MIX GRILL $46 that plates up a  250g rump, grilled lamb loin chops, pork sausage, fried egg, onion rings, chips, coleslaw.

Be my Guest with that big boy.

The Carlton D is excellent. Glassware, taste, pour all spot on.  $6.50/pot and worth it. Very fair and sensible pricing for wine, Pepperjack Shiraz, 10pg/40/btle confirms this, but there are some very good bargains therein.

The average prices are;

• Entrees – $15
• Mains – $26 (steaks higher)
• Dessert – $10

Tried was;

• Potato Prawns, kewpie, pickled ginger, ginger. $16. Just. The generosity of the serve wasn’t matched by the potato exterior being well burnt, thus rendering the taste of the prawns rather faint and bland.
• Chicken and Prosciutto Ballotine w/leeks, mushrooms, fresh herbs, ricotta cheese, w/ mashed potatoes, broccolini, cherry tomatoes, romesco sauce. $27. Good. Solid pub grub, with moist and large hollowed breast containing the aforementioned.  Big serve, fair shopping.
• Keysie Parma w/ salami, smoky bacon, chorizo, napoli, cheese, fried egg, garden salad, chips. $28. Yes and NO. The Keysie part of the parma – salami, bacon etc., was very tasty, fried egg runny. The NO part was the Parma itself, a throwback to a forgotten era.  Overly flour-y and thick coating, the crumb like pebbles which consumed the oil and made it soggy. The coating peeled away like sunburn to reveal a very thin chicken fillet, largely unappetising. 

SUMMARY

To use a poker terminology, there’s a “tell’ which is the best indicator on how a pub is traveling from the public’s POV: It’s Sunday lunch.

Arriving at 1pm, the large bistro was barely a quarter full, which always sends an alarm bell off.  When the entree arrives around 2 minutes later after ordering, (hmmm) maybe this is their version of T20 eating. This pub reminded me of a visit to the Bayswater Hotel some years ago in look and service.

So what saves this pub? Its staff. Unflinchingly pleasant and hospitable, a genuine and heartfelt welcome, a can do, nothing too much trouble. Maybe its overlords should head out there and see how it could be elevated, rather than taking a “she’ll be right, that’s what the locals want”.

Because there is real change for the better taking place in these massive pubs, many of which fall under this ownership (The York in Lilydale is exhibit 1A), and a bit of extra love here would not be misplaced in my opinion.  There is so much room for growth.

But it’s your house, your rules.

SCORE: 11.5/20